Clarity

"Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal
training, for it trains people as to how they shall think." -- Arthur
Schopenhauer

"Religion is based mainly upon fear fear of the
mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and
therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand . . . .
My own view on religion is that of Lucretius. I regard it as a disease born of
fear and as a source of untold misery to the human race." -- Bertrand
Russell

"I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all
the time." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Do not believe in anything simply because you
have
heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and
rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written
in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of
your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been
handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you
find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit
of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." -- Buddha

I bow down to the idea of this great man. This quote of him really proves that he knows his stand in life and he knows how to think without looking for evidences. He mentioned "religious books" and "teachers".


I remembered when our teacher in Christian Life asked us to make a synthesis paper answering the question "What does it mean to be a Christian"


The question really seemed to be abstract to me. I thought that they want me to answer based on Christian morality, based on what they have thought us all the years. He said a "tip" to us to be able to accomplish the 4 page essay -- his tip was: remember your lessons since you were in grade one.

Grade one. So that means they expect answers to be by the book? By the things they have taught us? Just because this is Christian Life, I don't think they can mess with my beliefs. They have taught me to believe this and that. I never asked why nor questioned it when I was in grade one. You know what I did? I memorized everything. Why? because every body else is memorizing it. I follow them because that is what they told me and if I do not, I would have not aquired an honor because of a failing mark in Christian Life.

I became indifferent when I was in first year.
I never did have my own opinions back then. I feel that I am empty and I only do things teachers told me to. However things have changed. As I realized that there are complex things or things that seems to be absurd, I began to wonder why -- but there wasn't any answer but "because as Christians..."

Teachers themselves, teach by the book. Our teacher in Christian Life now? He sticks himself on what his lesson plan says, on what his guides says. If the guide says that Euthanasia is different from allowing the person to die -- he will say it is different. Euthanasia = mercy killing, they thought us that "Euthanatsia... with the purpose of eliminating all suffering...Since it is an act that is diretly contrary to the dignity of the human person, euthanasia is a violation of the 5th commandment(thou shall not kill)". Allowing the person to die in the other hand, they explained it as "discontinuing medical procedures that are burdensome, dangerous or disproportionate to the expected outcome." If they find Euthanasia bad as it violates 5th commandment, and allowing the person to die reasonable and not a sin, then why not just call it "allowing the person to die" when we remove the oxygen of a comatose old lady? Why not right? If it is the only way we would not commit sin. Why not?

I remained silent at times when they ask why or at times where I can't really answer anything because I do not know how to answer. In any case, they cannot force me to answer or else all they will hear are things pleasing to their ears -- in short, lies.

Well thanks to this quote -- my mind was settled. I am settled that everything that I believe should come from things that I experience -- because my experiences would be my own teacher. Well I thank this whole Christian Life -- it taught me to find my own answers and clarity of mind.

-----------------------------

I have accepted that I am slow in reasoning, but as one always talks about it, and once I am triggered to find out more about it, I will be able to find my stand. I am still young and I know I will be able to make my stand more stronger as I experience life :D

Perhaps there are a lot of people just like me out there. People who are flawed of agreeing without thinking just because someone seemed to be reasonable at one point. I think being indifferent is better than making rush decisions, which ends up to be lies.

Lilisan

Oo nga at nalalapit na ang katapusan ng aming pagiging estudyante ng Miriam -- sa totoo lang sabik na SABIK na akong umalis doon at ang tagal tagal ko nang nahihirapan!

Pero kung tutuusin sabi nga sa kanta "Nagsimula ang lahat sa eskwela..."
Buong buhay ko dun lang ako namalagi. Dun ko natuklasan na:

• nakakaasar ang maraming tambak na gawain
• nakakaantok pakinggan ang lektura nina mam at sir
• nakakatuwa ang mga gagong kaklase
• nakakalakas ng loob ang mga kaibigang nasa paligid
• okay lang bumagsak -- bawi sa susunod
• okay lang kumopya ng homework -- basta maintindihan
• mahirap magsulat ng english paper
• mahirap makisama sa kagrupo
• masarap gumising ng maaga at makarating sa eskwela ng maaga
• masaya magpahuli sa eskwela kung minsan
• parang wala lang pala ang offense
• masaya takasan ang guards
• nakakaasar makipagdiskusyon sa guards
• hindi nakakatuwang magpuyat para sa exam
• hindi masayang napagiiwanan ng lesson
• masayang kumain ng patago
• masayang magbilang ng kabarokan ng guro
• masayang i-drawing ang mukha ng kinaiinisang guro
• masayang gayahin ang mga guro
• hindi masaya kapag nakita ang mga ito ng guro.... in short mahuli nila
• masayang magsulat sa size 4 na papel na "Kaninong bag ang nakasabit sa elektric fan?" -- tingin naman sila
• masayang manalo ng SongFest at SpeechFest
• masayang mag cheer para sa batchmates
• masayang kontrahin ang mga rules at regulations ng school
• masayang mag imagine na si ganito ay naging ganyan
• hindi masayang i-under estimate
• hindi masayang pagtripan ng kaklase
• nakakaasar ang ma late ng 0.0000001 second
• nakakadegrade makatanggap ng D
• nakakatuwang makatanggap ng A.... sa conduct

Tuloy tuloy yang listahan na iyan.
Wala lang akong oras sa ngayon. Kapag ako'y nakanilay na, 100ng ala ala ng eskwela aking ilalagay :D

*hindi ko alam kung sino ang mga nandito okay

I win!

Debate namin ngayon.
Nanalo kami!
Ako ang "Best Negative Speaker" at "Best Dabater"

Sa wakas meron na rin akong achievement sa high school!

Hindi ako pala-recite na tao at hindi rin ako madalas magbahagi ng mga opinyon ko sa klase. Kaya nga sabi ng teacher ko, nagulat siya sa akin. Syempre naman bakit hindi siya magugulat! E itong batang ito tatame-tameme twing klase, tutulog tulog pa, pagdating ng debate --- @_@

HAHAHA. Natutuwa lang ako.

Naalala ko tuloy speech ko nung 2nd at 3rd year.
Parehong okay ang result ng mga yun. Pinuri din ako ng english teacher's ko --- yung una (2nd) dahil daw tuloy tuloy rin at okay yung pag organize ko ng thoughts. Sa 3rd year, nagustuhan ng teacher ko yung "phallic symbol" (manyakis) at ang way ko na mag explain.

Tapos ngayon -- tumodo! O_O
Iniyakan ko pa to kagabi kasi sobra sobra ang kabog sa dibdib ko at nanginginig pa ako. Hindi ako makatulog 1:30 am na ako tuluyang bumagsak sa kama. 4:00 am gising na ako. Hindi talaga ako makatulog! Ni hindi rin ako makakain at pag kakain ako masusuka ako. Sobrang kaba.

Ay nga pala, bago mag simula akong magsalita -- bigla nalang akong tumakbo upang uminom ng tubig. Naririnig ko silang tumawa -- well nakakatawa nga naman, kawalan ng modo -- hindi ba naman nagpaalam sa teacher! Haha. Kabado na ko wala na magagawa!

At yun -- effective ang water.
XD

Tunay na nagpapakalma ng kaluluwa.

Maraming beses nga rin pala akong nagkamali -- pero dinaan ko sa "yes" at "ya" at sa mga gestures ko. Dun ata sila natuwa e, sa adlib. E ako, wala akong pakialam tawanan nila ako at mukha na kong gago -- whatever! Tatapusin ko lang ito!

Naaliw rin ako kasi pagkatapos ko magsalita, lakas ng palakpak e.
Wow nalang ako.
Amen nalang.

HAHA.
Ang akin lang, tapos na!
At aking binigay ang lahat

:D

"I smiled"

I tilted my face up and let the warm sun kiss my eyes.

I saw the bright blue sky and stretched out my arms


The soft breeze passed by and I inhaled its freshness.

The wind made every grass dance to its direction

And it leads me to spin
Round and round and round

Handling me with a grasp of a gentleman

The tranquility, serenity, peacefulness –
invited my soul to sing out loud

and through my lips,

I smiled.

I posted the same thing @ my dA :]
weh poem. haha.

Yo Gamers

As usual, when I open our browser -- it goes straight to Yahoo.com .
Today, the entertainment news caught my attention. It is because their entertainment news is about an online game.

An online game that caused a couple to divorce.
The game is "World of Warcraft" or Wow. WoW is just like Ragnarok, Ran Online and other levelling games.

According to the news, the wife decided to divorce his husband because he began to be so addicted to the game that after coming from work, he sits down and play from 6:30 up 'till 3:00 in the morning. And during weekends, he would play from morning 'till night. The couple have been together since they were 13 -- and only an online game would seperate their ways.

Well I think as an adult, he must know his responsibilities and must not let things like that to bring him away from the real world. I am a gamer myself, and I know that fact that online game is addicting because it never ends

"They build it in such a way that you have to keep putting more and more
time into it to maintain your status. I remember thinking when I was married
that it was downright exploitative to people who couldn't control themselves
in that way. It's set up like a drug."

After reading the article, I laughed -- I am currently playing my first levelling game, Lineage 2. The first time I played it, it was not that fun -- but it drives you to play because you want to level up and get certain skills for your character. Although in my case, there are times that I can feel the game is already too repetitive, but there is something that won't stop me even thought it is repetitive --- and there you go -- it is what we call addiction -- a one step drug substitute.

Good thing that game was deleted when we reformated our PC. I was beginning to be found of playing it and I guess it will ruin my studies if ever it wasn't deleted!

Further reading regarding online games, I ran across an article that explains the addiction of people.

"According to the study authors, most computer games that males like to play
involve territory and aggression, explaining why men seem more likely to get
hooked. "

In the article, it was stated that some students from Stanford made a research. They found out that men are more likely to open the "active" spot in their brains that simulates them to play and play and later on get really hooked. Women also have this kind of active spot -- however it is some kind of recessive than males.

SO
I found these articles interesting because even a simple thing like an online game -- can make people go divorcing each other. It shows immaturity at one point and being an irresponsible person. Yes games are fun, but as a gamer one must try HARD to limit oneself because it is really addicting. Before starting to play an online game, be cautious -- if the graphics, and the overall concept of the game really, really, really attracts you -- beware

"I recognized that this was a game that would never end, and that's why I chose
not to play it" -- Jocelyn

Links to article: 1 2

Happy Valentines

Medyo nawiwirduhan ako sa mga taong sobra sa pagkalungkot dahil wala silang date. HAHA. Siguro dahil hindi ko alam ang pakiramdam ng may date? hehe. Ewan

Teacher's day din sa school namin ngayon -- kaya 12:00 noon ang dismissal namin. Nung umaga, tutal wala namang ginagawa, naisipan namin ni Donna na gumawa ng mga liham para sa mga kaibigan namin. Nung una tinanong ko si Donna "Uyy para kanino yan?" Sabi ni Donna "Secret..." tapos tinitigan ko lang siya. Maya maya sabi niya "Nakakainis ka para sayo to e!" sabi ko "O? Weh" Natawa nalang ako kasi seryoso siya. So yun pinabayaan ko siyang magsulat at nang natapos niya, syempre binigay niya sakin.

Gumawa rin ako para kina Lora, Paula at Janelle.
Mga nakalagay dun

"Hindi man mukhang puso ang papel na ito, hindi magbabago ang pagtingin ko sayo"

"Sing linaw ng kulay ng pusong ito ang nadarama ko para sa iyo..."

"Single ka pa rin? Wag kang mag alala bukas ang puso ko para sa yo"

hahaha mga ganun ba.
Sobrang lagi ko na silang pinagtitripan. Ganyan ako magmahal ng kaibigan! AHAH.

Nung dismissal time, di ko talaga feel umuwi, kaya dahan dahan lakad ko hanggang sa makabanggaan ko sina Kei at Steph -- e pupunta silang katipunan -- sumama nalang ako bored ako e.

So dumaan kami sa may college, e may mga "tiangge" doon, tumingin tingin ako tapos may mga nagbebenta ng "pins" naaliw ako kaya bumili ako --- mga nakalagay sa pins ay

Hell was full so I went back

Kahit anong pagtitig ang gawin mo, hindi magbabago pogi pa rin ako

NBA - Natural Born Asshole

Balak kong ibigay yung isa sa ka-choir ko na makulit. Lalake siya so baka yung "kahit anong pagtitig..." yung ibigay ko HAHA. At yung "hell" akin siguro tas yung "NBA" baka sa kuya ko. HAHA. Pagiisipan ko XD

Napagusapan nga pala namin nila Janelle na next year dapat may mga kadate na kami, tapos sabay sabay kami mag dadate! HEHEHE. Wala lang, parang "bet" kung baga.

HAY. Nakakaasar parang umuusbong palang yung pagiging bonded namin tapos patapos na yung school year. HAHA.

O well, siguro mas masaya kung wala kami sa school -- para free kami diba!

O ayun.

Hanggang dito nalang.

QUOTE FOR TODAY

Ngayong valentines,

blue roses for lovers,

white chocolate for crushes;

pink balloons for friendshipts

and most of all for loveless red ---

redhorse.

Seriously.

I hate people who are treating your words as not serious. Example, when you say something and you are serious about it -- and then the reply you will get from them are sarcastic, "joke-like" responses, doesn't it frustrate you?

Awhile ago, we were talking about the debate in our english class. We are planning when we will practice. So I told them that we can practice dismissal time monday -- up till night. They responded sarcasticly, "Hahaha ikaw mag isa". Before they think of something, or before they reconsider what they will say, they blurted that thing out. I do not mean night -- meaning 7? 8? I mean around 5! or 5:30! But before I could clear myself out, they have butted in with those kinds of answers. After that I just kept quiet because I have the feeling of irritation. How can they UNDERSTAND me if they do NOT listen? Listening is much more important than speaking all of the time. Yes they have their opinions but can't they listen to mine?

I'm not a kind of person who can pick up words perfectly upon being asked.
I'm better writting my thoughts than saying them on the spot.
If not written down, I need some time to gather up my thoughts.

Well on that instant, what I said does not need any plan -- it is normal talk. The real problem is that THEY butted in.

There are many times that they did that to me.
When I am telling my opinion, halfway of the whole they will butt in and tell me the wrong things in my opinion.

They SO lack the ability to listen.
Well as for me, I lack the ability to SPEAK. Really. Sometimes when I have things in my mind, I can't tell them easily especially to people I don't really know and I really don't want. Damn, this flaw of mine will kill me.

I just hope I can learn to speak up whenever people treat me like that.

Another thing, I hate people who underestimate! I'm being underestimated because of my silence, Madali rin kasi akong mabara so -- natutuwa naman sila dun peste.

They don't know how to give a chance and they don't know how to wait for a person to get ready. All they want are people who can act on the spot or speak up on the spot. They don't like people who are lke me, that needs extra time.

Consider this: Other people have the skill to perform right away. Others needs time. HOWEVER both sides come up with same great ideas. Get my point? Everyone can do it but not everyone are recognized.

I am still frustrated at this point, I just try to calm myself down by putting in mind the fact that this debate would be over by Tuesday.

Whew.
Plus, it relieved me that I typed this things down ^^

pagpatuloy

Well maybe this feeling of mine is slowly fading away -- i mean the everyday happiness. This past week, my spirits are high and I can make myself happy by just listening to music or playing a game or simply petting my dog. However I think it started to fade, I'm getting the feeling of being down again. Well maybe it is because of the loads that I get in school, my laziness, and the pessimistic thoughts I'm thinking -- it ruins the positivity and drive in me.

I started being unusually happy when I listened to music while I study. I backed it up with the unusual concentration in my head. Actually, I always keep in mind that I will get A in math. Sometimes, it is being blocked by nasty thoughts like "what? A? C'mon I can never reach that" and the like. But I strive to get everything perfect. At this point, I haven't missed a score -- hw, sw -- I got them all perfect (only in math though) and I recite more often even though an answer needs to be explained fine -- all I think is my grade to be A. I also ask my teacher whenever I have a problem and goodness , she helps!

There was once when my teacher returned my paper with a -2 overall. I talked with my partner (because it was a pair work) that we shall ask our teacher to correct it because she have approved it and yet it was marked wrong. My partner said "Just leave it as is..." but I did not listen to her -- I'm up to the grade and if I got to do something for it I'll go for it!

I realized that when I'm filled with the drive, I will do anything.
Seriously. I like the feeling of being responsible. HAHA.
I hope this attitude keeps on going until the school year ends.

But....
Like I said I feel that it is starting to fade. I'm getting lazy again and -- I only have the drive for math -- not on all subjects. I'm starting to fail economics and my filipino is in no good. Projects here and there -- I want to throw them all.

Am I losing the drive ?
Well I have never had a drive for everything except for math...

I'm still unbalanced at this point.
I guess that will bring about my failure

*hopefully not -- crosses fingers*