Unsure

I am not sure about my stand regarding religion. I have been agnostic and I guess -- leaning to being an aetheist? I am loosing the sense of prayer. I find myself looking for things to contradict my religion, I am convincing myself that the details involved are all nonsense. I am thinking that for every fact, there is a contradiction that is more believable than the stated fact. Am I just manipulating myself? I mean, why the heck am I looking for things that will contradict my religion?

I'm getting confused.
But I can't really return to it fully because -- it kind of sinked in to me that a god, is one person's imagination? Fear of being punished? A myth perhaps? I am also thinking of retreating from the choir I joined. I'm not showing up in the masses and practices. The first reason is because of school, but as March entered, I am not busy -- I just don't feel like going. It's like being a hypocrite and I feel my dignity is being pulled down. ~Sigh

I begin living as a child with a belief -- because I was exposed to it.
Now I'm growing and questioning it.
Well maybe I am just finding myself somewhere...
And perhaps I am not prepared to leave the whole idea of my religion.

I'll just don't mind this thing at the moment -- to space out from the topic. I'll bring it back to my mind when... when time provokes me again O_o Hpefully it would not be tomorrow, or tonight before I sleep.