Sleeping with honors

Nanghihinayang ako...
Alam ko dapat hindi eh... pero oo...

I don't know. I just feel sad that I did not do my best. I did not exert my all in studying. I slack off and neglect my studies for the exchange of other things I think is less troublesome.

But what can I do?
I can never go back at being a grade-schooler or start my high school again and collect the honors that should have been mine. HAHA. If only.

It’s nice to dream of being an honor. And I think there's nothing bad about people labeling you as a geek. HAHA. Because there are only SOME people worth labeling as geeks.

Wow. Now at this point I feel useless all of a sudden. Crap I'm so weird. HAHA.
Here come the random questions in my mind again together with the saddening thoughts. HAHA. Shocks. Somebadeh stap meh. HeHe.

I have lots of regrets. And guess what, I only realize that a thing is a regret of mine the moment I complain. And I do nothing to renew those regrets. HAHA. I just continue being what I want me to be and not what I need to be.

All the money that my parents paid for my tuition seems to be unworthy of my works. Thousands is being wasted because of me being a lazy bum. HAHA.

But wait…
Another thing to consider.
I’m not smart. HAHA
And even if I crawl my brain out to prepare for a Geometry exam, only half of it would be seen.

But it’s not just me who is the problem. It’s also the way I experienced "discipline". Why? Because I feel like I haven’t been fully imprisoned by disciplinary methods that could have probably made my study habits more productive. I mean if only my parents would get mad at me if I get 5/10 then I could have done something. But they don’t get that angry that is why I don't… ARGGGHHH

Okay I don't feel like finishing that.

Sigh.
Now who's to blame.
Me. Them. Me. Them. Me-them. O_O

SHUSH!
Okay fine. Maybe I shall forget about this thinking AND…
… just continue living.

*mehn – weirdness doesn't stop*